are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
