Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
