maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
