new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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