Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
there was a trapeze. enough said
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
