Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
