I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
