Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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