Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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