does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
