"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
