There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
