Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
