Will you blow on my dice?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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