I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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