the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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