i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
