sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
