i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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