you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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