Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
