I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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