i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
