Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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