He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
