Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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