Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
