so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
