Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
