I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
