we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
