I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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