I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
