just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
