I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
