I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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