I CAN MOONWALK!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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