Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
