forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
