I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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