so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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