someone get that fucking seahorse.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
