did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
