So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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