my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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