If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
