I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
