I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
