yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
