My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
