I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
