At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
