Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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