We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
