You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I lost the right to judge tonight
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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