You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
