If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just googled if crying burns calories
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
